A Book On Marriage That is Fit For The Trash: Part 1

Most of you who read  my blog know that I try not to be negative and critical here-unless some heretic is trying to fool us into believing his is mainstream Christianity-and then I usually give you links to better and smarter people than me.

Today I want to give the ladies of my Church-and others who read here a warning about a very bad book on marriage. It is a book by Debi(and her husband Michael) Pearl, the title is "Created to be his Helpmeet". The title sounds very good, because it is a good old KJV biblical phrase.

Before I tell you why this is a very unbiblical book, I want you to understand some things about me. I have been married to Bill for almost 46 years. We have been through most of the joys and probably more of the sorrows than most couples. Bill is disabled and he is quite ill. I believe in the Biblical definition of a wife's submission to her husband as outlined in Ephesians 5. I am going to quote that verse to you-in the context of the surrounding verses.

Eph 5:20-33
20  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31  "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
ESV

This is a beautiful passage of scripture that shows us exactly what marriage should look like. I cannot express with enough disdain how I feel about books on marriage that TWIST verses 22-24 out of the context of verses 25-32. This passage must be taken as a whole-and if you do not do that-you are twisting God's Word. This passage in Ephesians is instructing Christians how to treat each other in mutual love in a marriage-do not be quoting the passage to the wife and leave out the husband's duty to love his wife as Christ loved his Church and died for her. This is the fastest way I know to foster abuse toward Christian wives. In the name of Christ, much abuse toward women has been sanctioned by a large portion of the Church, because the passages on marriage are pounded into the woman, and the husband's role of loving and self sacrificing leadership is just ignored. Most of the books on marriage today focus only on the wife's submission, and ignore God's clear command to the men. Many Pastors do the same thing when they preach or counsel. Women are commanded to submit, but where is the command for men to love? I do not think I have ever, in all my years as a Christian, heard a sermon or read a book on what a husband's role to love his wife looks like. I have heard many on what a husband's leadership looks like though.

And yes I believe wives are to have a submissive heart toward an unbelieving husband-in the same sense that humility should be the sign of every believer. The scipture is clear in 1st Perter 3 that a humble wife can pray for and submit to an unbeliever, and that God himself will honor that.

 One of these days soon  I plan to do a post on how to hang in there when marriage is difficult, but for now, I need to address this book by the Pearls. The reason I need to address this is that a friend of mine and her daughter are reading it, and she asked me to read it and tell her what I thought of it.

I will have to do this in 2 parts-I hope to be able to get part 2 up later today. If any of you have read the Debi Pearl book-you need to stay tuned.

Part 2