A Book On Marriage That is Fit for the Trash:Part 2

In my last post I gave an introduction to a review of the book "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. In this post I want to actually give my reasons as to why this book, which is supposed to help women be better wives, is only fit for the trash bin. The book is full of what I consider poisonous advice and faulty counsel to Christian women. Women are blamed almost totally for any failure to have a so called  "Heavenly Marriage". The amount of guilt put on the shoulders of women in abusive marriages has just made me sick-I don't know of any other way to say it. Some of the advice given in the book can lead women to be objects of torture in an institution designed by God to show the relationship of Christ to his Church.

The first reason this book is bad is it is FULL of bad theology.

1.This book denies the sovereignty of God over every situation and relationship in our lives. A burden that is almost unbearable is put on the shoulders of women who have scoundrels for husbands-telling them THEY have the power to change their men. I guess it sounds very good-but in practicality it is not true, as no one but God can change a man. I have counseled many women in my lifetime, and I do not care how many feminine wiles(pg.31) are used,only God can  bring repentance and create a new heart in a husband. We can pray-we can love-but only God can bring a human soul to salvation. Many women have stayed in abusive marriages with unfaithful and brutish men-and have never seen them saved. Many times they see the husband leave for another woman, through no fault of their own. I have seen it. I have seen women submit, and take abuse and mockery and infidelity, and then watch the man leave. To make a woman bow under a load of guilt after living through that is sinful negligence from a person who sets themselves up as a teacher and counselor-IMO. But that is exactly what Debi Pearl does in this book. On page 252 in the book she says that 1st Peter 3:1-6 reveals God's plan for a woman to win her husband to Christ. The Scripture never promises that to a woman-never.

I honestly have never read a book where needy and broken hearted women are dealt with in such a harsh and guilt inducing manner. Women who are dealing with very heavy situations in their marriages are brow beaten and warned that they are going to end up alone-as they are going to drive their men away if they do not smile and bear it -and bring all their wifely wiles to bear on him. On the one hand she is told manipulation is evil-on the other she is told to manipulate in every conceivable way(page 29&30)! She tells a woman-whose husband is having an emotional affair with his secretary that the man is not playing by her rules(the wife's) when the truth is the man is not playing by God's rules! Jesus said if you look at a woman with lust in your heart-it is adultery. She goes on to tell that poor woman that "God has provided for your husband's complete sanctification and deliverance from temptation through you". That my friends is a lie-I'm sorry I can't say it any nicer than that. That is a s unbiblical as it gets. A man with the most submissive and giving wife on earth-may still choose to lust after other women.The advice given to this woman is some of the most disturbing counsel I have ever read.

2. The Pearls deny that divorce is ever a proper option for a woman. Even to the point of telling a woman whose husband is sent to prison for the most heinous crimes to wait for him to get out.
I was appalled to read the letter of a woman whose child was being taken to a truckstop by her husband and was being sexually abused there by him and other men. What is so pathetic is the pleading the woman did for the Pearls to help her know what to do(pg.266)-what kind of cultic hold does this teaching have on a woman who has to ask someone what to do if her child is being very grievously molested? I wonder if they will tell her to welcome him back with open arms when he gets out of prison? I would tell her to divorce him-pronto-no second chances for a pervert to hurt a child!

In almost all of the situations presented in the book-women are told to stand by their man, and keep on smiling because the day she stops smiling is the day she stops trying to have a "Heavenly Marriage" and it is the first day leading to her divorce proceedings. Again, the book is full of rotten, guilt producing and demeaning counsel. The Pearl's should be ashamed!

May I say, there are marriages that are made in Hell, and many times nothing that a wife can do will change that. For women who suffer in horrible and abusive marriages, there must be wise, loving and prayerful counsel given. The Church should see that sometimes the only way to let God really deal with a wicked man, is to get that woman away from him. The Church of Jesus Christ needs to be a refuge for abused Christian women-they are the downtrodden among us who need justice to be granted to them through the Church!

I also want to say that one of the big words used in this book is wives are to obey their husbands. Wives are told to voluntarily submit to their husbands- as unto the Lord-not to obey them. Marriage is not a child parent relationship-or a master slave relationship. It is something quite superior to that; and God says submit-and he seems careful not to use obey for the wife. The relationship is one of mutual love, respect and submission. The wife indeed is going to submit to her husband's leadership-and very joyfully so, when he is an Ephesians 5 husband. If men were taught to love their wives as Christ loved the Church when he gave himself for her, no one would have to pound the idea of submission into a Christian woman.

I could give you so many more reasons not to read this book, and not to take any advice from it, but I think this is enough for today. I am not done with this book yet-and I believe I will have more to say in days to come.

One more thing as I close. My husband is a Christian-if he sins against me and abuses me, I am going to treat him like a sinning brother. I am going to approach him, in humility, as I would any sinning brother or sister and show him his sin  just between us. He will do the same with me. Let us be wise and reasonable. We must stop putting burdens on women who are already heartbroken and overloaded.

Part 1